Singledom

Twenty eight and single by choice. Sometimes, with considerable effort. It's not that I am opposed to the Significant Other, I just have trouble finding one worth leaving my single life for. After years of dating and boyfriends and being happily in a relationship, it was a huge challenge to find happiness in my late twenties as a single person. Far past my prime for singles wards and Mormon culture. I learned not to care. I am happy anyway.


Boys like me. All the time. I don't play the game and I don't put up a false pretense. Either I like you or I don't. I only date one person at a time and will give it a good effort. I'm not sold on the idea of dating for fun because I left that phase of life years ago but I also don't date only for The One. I go with the flow, if it works, it works. If not, okay.


I don't up sell. I'm an idealist that my Significant Other will be the type who doesn't need up-selling and packaging. Who will like me for who I am not what I can list off or what I look like. I find a lot of non-Mormon men, the No-Mo's, constantly chase after me. As for the men in my ward, it's a serious challenge to even get a date. I don't get it. I'm out of the league of the men who chase me and too lowly for the time of ward men? The men who are supposed to be looking for the Good ones; the ones who aren't shallow.


Next time I will tell them, who am I? Well, I tested in the 99th percentile in school. So I guess I'm smart. I lobbied the Utah Congress for 5 years. I attended leadership training in Washington DC. I've flown all over the continental U.S. I danced my way into my high school dance company without  formal training, THE dance company until the damage I did to my feet over the years caught up to me and my dreams of dancing were over. I played guitar. Well. I was asked to create a band and perform assemblies in Jr high. A former CEO announced to the company: "I am promoting her to be my personal assistant because there is nothing she can't achieve. Watch her." I'm not unattractive. I've been told I have an excellent personality and my priorities are pretty solid. I'm dedicated to practicing my religion and have earned respect for it from the most Anti I have ever met. I've spent more than 10 years of my life volunteering. It's my hobby. I've dated ph'd's, the then-#3 US fencer in saber and foil, an engineer, an institute teacher, the EQP, a poster boy for the Air force,  an Army intelligence officer and cellist, the assistant attorney general of American Samoa, a student, one of the most beautiful cowboys I've ever seen, computer nerds, a pilot/flight instructor, a Brazilian, a mechanic, a beat boxer and gifted musician whose charisma made him one of the most popular boys on BYU campus. I've been in unbelievably amazing relationships and I know those men are out there. I've been in some not-so-great relationships too. I am pretty good at navigating and staying chill.


No, I won't tell the boys that. I am definitely far from perfect. I will simply say: I like the outdoors, I play ultimate, I like music and art, I like food and a smattering of other things. 

I won't kiss you unless I like you and it might throw you for a loop but I do it out of respect. I'm not possessive in relationships. My interests are as varied as my abilities. I get along with almost anyone. I'm curious, ambitious and a dreamer. My passion for life is contagious. It's not my opinion of myself; it's what I am. I'm not what you are looking for, apparently. All I want is someone who is kind and sees me for me. I don't care what you do or how much money you make as long as it makes you happy. 

                                        I don't get it. 

L'Envoi

I have completely forgotten Rudyard Kipling. This is significant for two reasons. It was he who helped me understand the art of poetry. Eggs, wheelbarrows and circles never made any sense to me. I was fortunate to have superb teachers growing up. For me the public school system was the best schooling I ever received. I also took all the honor and AP classes I could get my hands on. I did poorly in every class but those. I mention all this because it applies to poetry. In the 8th grade we began our study of poetry. I hated poetry. What's the point of studying something when 70% of the population interprets it wrong anyway? How am I supposed to know a chicken a wheelbarrow mean renewal? It seems like a stretch to me. It wasn't until my twelfth grade year when we were reviewing for our AP exams that I finally caught on. I remember reciting my Rudyard Kipling poem in front of the class and as I was giving my 'academic' thoughts to the class, I finally understood Poetry. It didn't hurt that my poem was a huge hit.

L'Envoi
When Earth's last picture is painted, and the tubes are twisted and dried,
When the oldest colours have faded, and the youngest critic has died,
We shall rest, and, faith, we shall need it - lie down for an aeon or two,
Till the Master of All Good Workman shall set us to work anew!

And those that were good shall be happy: they shall sit in a golden chair;
They shall splash at a ten-league canvas with brushes of comets' hair;
They shall find real saints to draw from- Magdalene, Peter, and Paul;
They shall work for an age at a sitting and never be tired at all!

And only the Master shall praise us, and only the Master shall blame;
And no one shall work for money, and no one shall work for fame;
Bust each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
Shall draw the Thing as he sees It for the God of Things as They Are!

~Rudyard Kipling~

My mother owned an old copy of Rudyard Kipling's poetry I used to read as a kid. It made absolutely no sense to me. It was mostly all nautical. I remember the green embossing on the thick pages and the creak of the binding. It was that book that made me love Sam Weller's old book section on Main Street downtown Salt Lake which then lead to a full blown obsession with bookstores. It was all uphill from there.

The Golden Rule

Life's little lessons:

• The golden rule is a lot harder to follow as you age than at first blush in kindergarten when you learn it five times before you remember it.
• It took me 23 years to discover the golden rule is really one sided.
• The golden rule is not a formula. You cannot use an if/then statement either.
• It would be more aptly named the "how to interact with other humans" rule.
• Why's it golden?
• If by chance you meet a frown, do not let it stay, quickly turn it upside down and smile that frown away. Life's so much easier that way. Although, the headstand is sometimes inconvenient....
• If you listen to what everyone says you should do, you'll never get anything done.
• Words of wisdom:

  "If the cinnamon rolls are gold, it's golden."

  That's living life right there. Stating life is good just because there's cinnamon rolls is saying a lot.
• Changed my life: "We do not the see the world as it is. We see it as we are."

One month update

A little update on my fitness program and quest to be healthy: Worth every minute you invest in it. Not easy as it requires a lifestyle change. I'm only about four weeks in but I'm a believer now. I strongly endorse healthy eating and exercise. My physical and mental ailments are all but obsolete. I had some big problems I had been dealing with and I can hardly believe I can type the word "obsolete" as an adjective. My pocketbook is rejoicing! You hear crazy stories like these all the time and I've become one of them. My exercise in will-power to finish what I've started has been a huge motivation as I see the results of my effort. So far it's shaping up to be a great catalyst to other major projects in life.

A few months back I made a commitment to do whatever it took to be happy in life regardless of what life may bring. I made that my mission statement. It is broad and all-encompassing goal I will spend the rest of my life achieving. Health was at the top of that list this time around. I took the route that didn't allow me to cheat. It is phenominal how eating foods that are healthy for you break down like this: make you feel awesome --> improve your mood --> make your body healthy --> makes your body enjoy those good foods when you eat them -->keep you wanting to eat good food --> rinse and repeat. It's become a chain reaction to the rest of my commitment to happiness. So far, one change has made me tremendously happier.

Not so fancy-fah-lootin'-health: I've gotten a lot of comments about the difficulty of fitting something like this into a busy lifestyle or on a budget. I'd like to throw a few things out there: Eating healthy does cost more then cheap carbs. It is the cheapest preventative medicine you'll find. It takes time to fix meals but it's a great opportunity to slow down your day and enjoy. If you eat out often, eating healthy is going to save you a LOT of money. I take a Flintstones gummy multi-vitamin and a omega 3, 6,9 I picked up at wal-mart for $8 in multi-family-size volume. I go to the gym four times a week for approx. 30 minutes. Those 30 minutes are the most intense workout I've ever done. Why? I push myself to make each movement beneficial. Gym not available? No problem, it can be done at home. It doesn't take a gym membership, fancy food/supplements, or even a lot of time to be healthy. It does take dedication. Everything else is often marketing and glitz.

Health and Fitness

April 8th I became a 12-week member of Total Health & Fitness. I have a gym membership I've used maybe a dozen or so times over the last two years. I have never bought into the fitness stuff sold at gyms, tv, and on the radio. I have never dieted one day in my life. I will never diet one day in my life. There have only been one or two friends I have ever considered their advice when it came to fitness. It's a big shocker for me too.

Total Health & Fitness impressed me. They are a consultant business. Essentially, they give you the knowledge and training to wade through all the misinformation out there, not only for now- but to maintain a healthy lifestyle for life that fits with you. They are comprised of exercise science and fitness professionals. They don't believe in diets; they do believe in having a healthy diet. They don't require you to take supplements other than a multivitamin (I take my handy Flintstones Gummies.) You don't even need a gym pass. To state how non-gimmicky they are: PEHP has added them to their insurance health plan and touts the program. They have recieved business of the year awards numerous years running. Be prepared to committ. It's not simple to change your health and fitness abilities and habits overnight.

When I went in I was looking for one thing: The knowledge and skills to become healthy and stay healthy for life. When I am 60 I intend to take all my kids on a backpacking trip. If I intend to live such an active life I better make it part of my lifestyle now. I also have a strong desire to keep my body in as good of shape as I can. There are so many scientific studies out there touting the thousands of wonderful benefits exercise and healthy eating have but finding the right way to accomplish this has eluded me. My health is important to me and I can't put a value on feeling great. (Looking as great as I feel is always a nice side effect I can live with.) This has always been a goal of mine. More recently the urgency has been increasing on the recommendation of my Dr. to make the change... as a stress reliever and a remedy to a lot of things that ail me.

So, I start my journey and already it's tough to change my habits. I bought a lot of healthy food and it's simple to follow while I learn. The program is tailored to fit my lifestyle and the expectations are realistic. My only complaint is that I am now attempting to drink 96 ounces of water a day. That's a lot of water.

NAMBLA

I will be joining ranks with NAMBLA in an effort to spread EQUALITY. Right now, it is in greater need of a civil rights movement. For those of you who don't know, click on the link to find out.

I could go on and on about how much these other organizations really need our help. But, I won't. In case you did look up NAMBLA you might be outraged right now. Don't stop reading just yet.

I was inspired to blog by the various Prop 8'ers out there who fight to the death. My greatest inspiration was the following two arguements: 1. Homosexuality is not a morality issue. 2. If knowing someone who is such a good person they could do no harm, are hurting no one by their choice, and are entitled to be happy like the rest of us THEN homosexual marriages should be condoned. The Onion provided perfect fodder in it's classic article titled: Massachusetts Supreme Court Orders All Citizens To Gay Marry, cited again by those freedom fighters who find us hetero's too closed minded and influenced by religion. Silly us. So, out came my own passive-agressive satirical response filled with little tid-bits of reality.

I will campaign with NAMBLA when I campaign for gay rights. I will campagin for every other that comes along if I campaign for gay rights. I firmly believe all who campaign for gay rights should be campaigning for all the rest. Pave the way for others who are oppressed. Take me off your friend list now if you don't think they are or will be the same issue for civil rights. It doesn't matter if you take it in terms of morality, evolution, or simple logic. I view it all the exact same way and that's equality to me. I don't care how good of a person you are friend, family, or foe. I do not change my beliefs and condone practices I am opposed to no matter how much I like you or hate you. As The Onion points out: "This is a victory, not only for our state, but for America," Festa said. "Simply allowing consenting gay adults the same rights as heterosexuals was never the point. By forcing everyone in the state into a gay marriage, we're setting the stage for our more pressing hidden agendas: mandatory sodomy and, in due time, the legalization of bestiality and pedophilia." Well, The Onion, NAMBLA is next. Don't discriminate!

Aestheticism

This free-write-style blog comes courtesy of my brother's blog about asceticism. Reading it was an epiphany moment. I am an Aesthetic. It's good to have a title to categorize a part of my brain. It gives me a sense of identification. I had to look up the definition and associated strongly with the following statements:

As an adjective:
1. having a sense of the beautiful; characterized by a love of beauty.
2. of or concerning the appreciation of beauty or good taste.
3. pertaining to, involving, or concerned with pure emotion and sensation as opposed to pure intellectuality.

As a noun:
1. an exaggerated devotion to art, music, or poetry, with indifference to practical matters.
2. devotion to and pursuit of the beautiful; sensitivity to artistic beauty and refined taste.

For those who know me, you realize how obsessed I get about art. I always felt I got the short end of the stick. I was never good at art and yet I appreciate it to excess. I routinely feel the appreciation of art is often wasted on many people. If appreciating art could be an art I would be a Master artist. Everyone knows I love beauty products and fashion as a means of expression. I stop in my tracks to watch a cool cloud go by, even if it means I'm going to be late. Photographs are exciting and incite jealousy and envy in me. I'm overly passionate and stop to ponder the sensations I feel on a frequent basis. A pivotal moment was when a philosophy professor stated what an interesting sensation it was to feel sick. Bad sensation leads to a better appreciation of good sensation. In high school I wore hemp in my hair to show that, while everyone said "I love the outdoors," I truly LOVED the outdoors and respected it in all its terror and majesty. I never understood why people will say they love the outdoors if they have no idea what that means.

I don't see myself as vain. I belive in beautification and fashion and feel comfortable doing it. In fact, I find it thrilling. I would likely feel fine about spending more on such things.

I have my own philosophy of what "beautiful" is. I think silly things are beautiful. I've even thought traditionally plain or ugly things are beautiful. I believe in the terms beautifully sad and tragically beautiful. I wish I were able to be more expressive and creative. I love anything unique.

I have a knack for finding the new trend before it hits pop culture as the new "trend."

You could put two pictures of something I've never seen before and ‘instinctively’ I will pick the more expensive item as the one I like, never seeing the prices. I don't know why.

I can tell you right away what is worth your time to buy or invest in the realm of fashion and beauty and what is crap. I know quality when I see it. You don't have to pay $$$ for crap. I've got a whole philosophy on this as well. I still don't think of myself as shallow or vain because of it.

Never over spend. Never under spend. Both are a mistake. It's important to realize the difference.

I don’t view myself as overly materialistic in my opinions or necessities and find it all to be just stuff in the large scheme of things but I appreciate it nonetheless.

I toy with the idea of selling all my "stuff" to live simpler as often as I do with buying "stuff". Having things makes life more convienent but a lot less simple and I'd rather just travel around with few things than a lot of things.

On overnight trips I've taken just what I can get through security check in my purse and a zip lock bag and not used all that I brought and I've taken luggage stuffed full and not brought enough.

In no particular order: I believe feeling beautiful makes you confident. Looking trendy is not feeling beautiful. I believe beautiful people get a lot more "freebies." That irks me. I believe people who are truly shallow or vain or out to follow the trend are only experiencing life 10%. I rarely shop at the mall. I avoid showing off labels when I can. I absolutely adore inconspicuously or untraditionally placed labels, logos, designs, etc. I will buy a pair of jeans at DI for $4 and a pair at a designer for $150 because they are the same high quality. Low prices or high, designer or not, makes no difference to me. I maintain that you can pull off any look as long as you "wear it like you mean it." Most people don't wear it like they mean it. I see henna, fashion, houses, décor, people, and food as art too. I would love to be "artful" in this way. I would have a small well decorated comfortable home over a big one any day. Not having a lot of money to channel into aesthetic endeavors often produces remarkable results. If you can't live without money, how can you live with money?? When I see something aesthetically pleasing, it makes me happy...likely a chemical reaction in my brain. When someone plays the piano I forget what I'm doing and drown myself in the music. I stopped breathing when I first heard Rachmaninoff play Rachmaninoff. Going to the symphony sucks me in entirely and completely. It’s a weakness. That's how crazy I am about music. I’m nearly as crazy about movies. I tear up when I see Disney’s recent Earth preview every time. I think it’s that beautiful. Everyone else doesn’t see it. I want people to see what I see. I routinely have to do some art project just for the fun of it. No, I'm not good but I want to create. Art is what gets said when you don’t have words to say it. My sense of what I consider beautiful is the same way. Being out in nature is the most beautiful experience. And that makes me happy.

Beacuse I devote an entire blog to this demonstrates the emphasis and role I value aesthetics. While others may find more intellectually stimulating topics of ethics or morality of importance, I write because I see relevenace and philosophical sense in "experiencing one's existance" and examining: What really is the Ideal to a person? It would not be possible to experience my existance or recognize my ideal without aesthetics and emotion.

Yowser.

New to the blog thing. New to the "write it down for EVERYONE to read" thing. New to the writing down of blog-type stuff. Here's my first.

Things that irk me about people today:

• Conversationally inept.
• Controversy freaks them out and they go on a rampage of personal attack. Opinions differ. It's not personal.
  
• People who are quick to assume a conclusion based on one or two exchanges.
  

In all earnestness I will absolutely:

• Things I will campaign to have legalized along with homosexual marriage because I believe in equality along ALL lines. (The next minority will soon be louder than our current latest-and-greatest so I'd like to be at the forefront of this effort.)
• Any and all forms of sexual orientation. All sexual attraction must be recognized: Animals, Children, No People, Men Only, Women Only, Men and Women Only, Family members, etc. I'd state dead people and inanimate objects but you gotta draw the line somewhere and this is my line...this is where it's too much for me and I gotta say NO.
  
• Let's remember that each member of these categories also state this is a product of their biology or environment, whichever you believe in. In each attraction all claim the same story of attraction. In all above cases these current social taboos have had their heyday once-upon-a-time-in-history...just like homosexuality. There could be a come back on it's way -- history does repeat itself.
  
• From an anthropological stand point (which is what I'm into) you can't really argue on moral grounds for or against these. I've learned lots of sweet-awesome stuff about each of these orientations and how they are being accepted not only in the past but today.
• Examples of each we know and love: The Chiquita who married a dolphin, Child Brides are everywhere in African tribes (Niger 76.7%), Despite the classic "Adam and Eve totally did," Twins separated at birth married each other until England went all "No, our royalty NEVER interbred...EVER" on them. I'm waiting for the romance drama of this story to come out on film. No? Still don't buy it? Ok, totally a Mormon thing too. Who doesn't have a cousin who married a cousin way back when? Tila Tequila. So hot. Seriously. So hot. Ian McKellen. Sweet awesome. Rock on forever dude! Totally gonna say it: Ellen DeGeneres. Love her. Love Portia De Rossi. Together = Amazing! Brangelina. Yes. Most hot, most save-the-world, most family oriented. I only wish I could be a U.N. abadassador. Her comment on Burma totally made my week. Last but not least, Immanuel Kant, J.M Barrie, Mr. Chanel himself, Issac Newton, AND Emily Brontë ALL asexual. Really, some of the most influential people I could possibly imagine. Mr. Kant comes as no surprise since he totally was philosophically one with his sexual preference.
• So, let's make it right, let's make it real, let's make it equal, baby! I believe in universals. Do you?
  

Person Ellen DeGeneres.

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